He Did This to Me

The young woman wore a green lycra material, her stomach protruded in the form-fitting gown. She held on to some herbal products in her hands as she hawked about and stealthily approached customers she hoped would buy the bitter-kolas loosely placed in her palms.

She looked about twenty-three-years old.

Her hair was held in a relax bun and her earrings spackled in the sun; but as her face moved from one customer to another, anxiety etched deep on her phizog, a feeling of disappointment seething in her eyes.

She walked about in her beautiful white flip-flop in a staggered manner as she tried to decide how best to engage customers waiting to board the bus. Her pointed stomach became painfully obvious as I watched her struggle to make a sale.

The only question that kept popping in my head was: why did she allow herself to get pregnant when she can barely take care of herself? And for that matter, why would a guy knock up a girl without precaution if he wasn’t ready for marriage or can’t even afford to take care of the woman he knocked up?

Sad to say, this is trend of women in their twenties and thirties getting knocked-up is becoming an everyday occurrence. I am not talking about teen pregnancy here. I am talking about grown-up women getting pregnant without taking precaution. And the Statistic is climbing. 

You’d therefore expect that with such a worrisome trend becoming the fodder of daily gossip and gist, many matured babes will get wiser when it comes to having one-night stand or on-going affair without using precaution.

Here’s a real life story. The other day, a friend of a colleague was complaining bitterly how his regular girl had gone ahead to stop taking her pills and gotten pregnant even though he had told her from the get-go that their affair will not lead to marriage. She is thirty-two-years old. 

On further investigation, I was shocked to find out that the babe in question had agreed to this condition in their relationship, but it became clear that getting pregnant was a desperate move on her part to sink her claws into him and hoped that he would be forced to do the ‘honourable thing’, the ‘proper thing’!

But wait a minute, isn’t that a show of greediness on the woman’s part? Wouldn’t it have been more honourable for her to act ‘honourably’ by not getting into an affair with him in the first place, much less get pregnant for a man who wanted her only for the release and pleasure they could both get from each other?

To cap it all, this babe does not have a business of her own, no career or job of her own that would bring in steady income for her. So for her to think that getting knocked-up would be a one-way ticket to financial freedom is not only dumb but shows a lazy greedy female who wants to eat, get pampered without bringing anything on the table. And don’t even excuse her by saying she’s providing him with sexual satisfaction because both of them are in it together to enjoy it. So stop right there in your thoughts if that’s the direction you’re going.

That you give a man a good riding does not make you singularly unique; there are many a kobo-and-naira dozen girls who can do that – he only needs to say the word and the babes will come running. It is that cheap these days!

But what is NOT cheap is the unusual connection he will have with you even while in the act. Now that’s priceless. The act is not the focus. You are the one that makes the act matter once he can see himself in you. The question is: what type of person will he see?

LADIES it’s time TO WAKE UP!

WHY? Guys are beginning to realise that no one has a right to enslave them into marriage by getting pregnant. And don’t tell me some other girls get away with it as the men are forced to not only accept responsibility for the child but also married them; a two-in-one fantastic payoff.

The point here is that if the man does not love you but loves your body and what you provide, and worse, has told you from the get-go he has no plan whatever to settle down with you, wisdom on your part demands that you do not throw away your sense of self worth, future plans and goals by dating such a man in the first place let alone getting knocked up by him, hoping that somehow you will finally be able to tie the man down or as some would say trap him.

In the end, you’re usually worse off.

You may say there are those who got married under such circumstances, but the reality is that many of them are paying disappointing price for the pranks they pulled. Although you may be quick to say that some women who did this are doing just fine because their husbands turned out to be wealthy men after all, thing is, if you check deeper, you will find many untold stories, tales that will shock you to pieces. But they have no choice but to manage their marriage as money becomes their comforting ally. And for the most unfortunate ones where money has never graced their front door, it is a disheartening thing to witness. That was their choice.

I cannot emphasize this enough: if you want a child of your own, no problem, but do so because you can take care of both of you. If you don’t take precaution and get pregnant, it becomes your responsibility, except you and the man had a previous agreement. And if a man is supportive enough to pay the bills in caring for the child but chose not to marry you even after the child is born, that was the conscious and unconscious choice you made. Live with it. 

Stop complaining, backbiting or insulting the man; instead begin to live your life better than it used to be. And remember you didn’t have to be in this situation in the first place if you had exercise your mind to reason and not simply allowed your heart get carried away!