How to Attract the Love of Your Life

If you were a cognoscenti, as quite a lot of romantics are, you'll probably know about or heard of the story behind the Taj Mahal. Perhaps you too will agree that true love exists, and it can be found. But the question is "With Whom?".

The other day at one of my relationship seminars, Tobore met me and asked: “Lady E, I can’t seem to attract the right girl for me. It’s as if I’m not doing something right...”

In response, I said, "Tobore, who are you?" He gladly replied, "I'm a good guy who is hardworking, and loving."

  

Is that the definition of who you are? He looked at me densely. So I redirected my question, “Where are you right now in your life?” He simply stared at me, a bit confounded. 

So I asked him in another way, “What kind of spirit currently dwells in you?” His only response was, “Uh?”

Interestingly, that is more or less the usual response I get from dopey-eyed-wannabes-in-love desperately seeking for what many consider as that ‘elusive emotion called love.’

Thing is, where you are now at this point in your life matters a great deal. Are you in that place where you feel unfulfilled and so therefore without realising it the emotion that drives you is borne from the need to find fulfillment outside of yourself?

Perhaps you don’t have as much money, so what drives you is to look for a woman who will compensate you in that aspect? So you look for that financially independent woman? That struggling lady or babe who’s so resourceful and can turn stones into notes so you can both share the financial responsibility together? Perhaps you think you’re such a lucky babe who’s never been successful or tried her hands on knowing how to survive on your wits and brains, and now you see that man that looks eligible, so you feel you’ve got to have him because of your own fear of personal insecurities?

You may wonder, are these wrong reasons to marry?

Thing is, wherever you are at any point in time in your life will usually attract the type of person you yearn for. So if you think you’re getting involved with someone for financial reasons, chances are that the other person is doing same. So what happens when you guys come together as a couple and don’t break even? What happens when one begins to feel the other needs to support him because, well he has big dreams and just needs his babe’s money to just climb a little? And maybe you both break even, what happens next? What will keep you guys going after you cross that bridge?

If you are getting involved with someone because of the vision you see for you both, does your would-be see and share that same vision? 

What kind of spirit do you have? A latch-on, self defeatist, goal-getting, self-driven, open minded, confident, self-assured, contented, greedy, pessimistic, demanding, critical, doomsayer kind-of attitude to life and living? Or?

Suppose as a babe you’ve reached that ‘age’, and pressure is on you from family and friends telling you, “Don’t worry, we shall take care of the financial needs for your wedding, just get married!”, how would that affect the kind of man you now attract and ‘settle’ for? What would you both have in common? Would you say “I’ll change him as soon as we are married: his sense of style, how he eats, comports himself, the business he will do, etc? 

If you're thinking so, don't forget to also look at the other flip side of the coin: Would the man be agreeable to that? And if he is, to keep up the standard you’ve set, would he be willing to do it joyfully or would you have to constantly prod him along? And when you begin to do this, how long do you think you’re going to keep at it? Would you even want o keep at it?

The same applies to a guy to feel his job is to mold that 'naive, 'innocent' 'untouched' lady he suddenly met and now have a thing going on. Do you feel a strong need to control the woman who becomes your wife? By telling her what to wear, the friends she keeps, the kind of job she should have and how often to visit her family and so on?

Congratulations! Now you a couple! Finally, you have come this far. 

So what is keeping your relationship? 

Whatever keeps your relationship going is the source of your love. And love builds up. It is not just sex, romance or children.  It takes a mix of that sometimes and much more. And if the source of your love is external, internal or controlled by another means, it will to a very large extent determine how sweet the euphoria of love will last between you too and even around you: work, passion, children, no children, In-Laws, friends, colleagues, etc.

Now that you are a bit armed, how do you now intend to attract the love of your life?
Look within you. The answers lie within. But you’ve got to be brutally honest with the answers that pops up and be unashamed to accept that these are the true reflections of the inner you. Write them down sharp-sharp.

Is the person you're currently with the love of your life? If not, what they are what are you doing about it? And if yes, what do you need to do now to to sync it with your values and philosophical framework?

Remember, you create the kind of love you experience.

PS: For my TV Talk on Leadership, copy and paste this link: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+LadyEChannel/posts/ZW3WPBJ1kCT

All the best!