That A Man Proposes, Should You Accept?

When a man proposes to you, will you accept? should you? must you?

Rita and Tunde have been going out as a couple for more than six years. They enjoy each other’s company; share the same friends and even beliefs. Rita’s family have been waiting a long time to see the ring on the appropriate finger but yet to see one. 

Then just yesterday, Tunde proposed, “Rita, I want us to take our relationship to the next level. Will You Marry Me?” The Feminine Voice in Rita shouted: “Say yes! Yes! What are you waiting for, gurl?” But her Rational Voice asked quietly, “Rita, Why does he want to marry you?”

That second question tugged at her heart sharply. Smiling sweetly at Tunde, she asked tactfully, “Tunde, why do you want to marry me?”

Tunde felt a little staggered by her probing questioning. The pressure on him from his friends and family had gotten under his skin; all of them accusing him, even insulting him for not doing the ‘proper thing’ as they called it. 

“Look Rita...” he began, “this is what every girl will die to hear from any man! And yet, here you are treating it with such triviality.” He had expected Rita to be grateful for his offer, instead, Rita got up and replied him, “You know what Tunde, I just realised both of us have become too comfortable with each other we didn’t even realise it.” That said Rita got up and left. 

Did I hear you say, “Is she stupid or what?”

That a man proposes, should you marry him? And if Rita were your sister, would you tell her to go ahead and marry Tunde?

Authentic marriage proposals are rare these days; and even more rear is the quality of the proposal. It is therefore quite understandable to expect that any woman should accept a marriage proposal that comes her way, no matter how long the dating or courting period was. And in a lame society such as ours, where the girl-child’s only aspiration is to get married – the pinnacle of her measure of achievement in life – it seems foolhardy on the part of Rita to have acted the way she did.

To marry is a personal decision, but remember: never accept a marriage proposal from a man who marries you to compensate you when you are in love with him.

In other words, know why the man dey marry you and not what you imagine as the reason he’s marrying you! 

Because when you know why, it is easy to LIVE WITH THE WHY. But you have to be blatantly honest with the truth of the WHY so you can live happily. No relationships based on lies, misplaced imagination and unrealistic wishes ever withstands unforeseen storms.

Secondly, what’s the chemistry level between you and your mate? Do you both operate from the same level of intensity about how you feel about each other? Are YOU ATTRACTED to your man or woman: mentally, emotionally, and physically? Do you look forward to being with her, hungry to touch him yet sane enough to be in charge of your emotions? What is your level of intellectual intercourse? Do you take that for granted?

Remember, it begins first with attraction, which builds up chemistry, which in turn now makes you want to enjoy sexual intimacy that grows into romance and then graduates to deep love. When you love someone, you always have the right dose of sex, romance, intellectual intercourse and love in a continuous cycle. In other words, sometimes all you may want is sex with your mate. At another time its romance and then at an increased level it is pure love mixed with a good dose of cerebral interaction, each emotions expressing themselves within that cycle.

Thirdly, are you a naturally secure person? Or do you suffer from bouts of insecurities? When a man proposes and you still feel a sense of insecurity, never try to wave it aside. That is not even the time to get married! Try to know why you feel insecure. Don’t be afraid of what the answers might be, neither should you be ashamed of what the answers reveal.

Instead, now is a good time to actually face them and deal with them. Because if you don’t, these same insecurities will haunt you in your marriage and erode you of your sense of worth and confidence before turning you into a seriously disturbed person consumed by fear, anxiety, and anger with a cantankerous disposition. 

And let me tell you, there’s nothing like a beautiful sense of self to make you surpass the huddles of a relationship when you happen to stumble upon them. So go work on your inner person.

The next time a man proposes, what will you do?

Maybe then I may decide to be your Master of Ceremony, wink!(xoxo).