TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY?

Do you think you will never get married? 

Are you afraid that somehow time is ticking away and yet you've not found that special man or woman yet?

Have you ever attended a relationship seminar or event before? If you have, then you're familiar with the scenario. So here I was, invited to speak at a Relationship Seminar on Managing Time in South-East Nigeria. This particular seminar was targeted at single men and women between the ages of 25 and late 30s who are still looking for a mate. The hall was packed full and I could tell from the tense and excited look on their faces that this seminar was a last resort to make it happen.

As the programme went on it became obvious that many did not think they were going to end up finding a marriage partner any time soon let alone find love. Their anxiety was palpable. A dark in complexion lady, age 32 said she's always dated the wrong men who were not willing to settle. Another lady in her late twenties remarked that most of the men wanted sex before marriage. A few of the guys argued that many a lady just want to get as much cash and fun as possible during dating and courtship. However the most common views expressed was the fear of remaining single longer than was necessary. Some stress the word 'single' as though it was a stigmatised label.

The hostess of the seminar called me aside and whispered her concern over their seeming desperation. "How do we address this?" she asked me. So I got up and delivered this impromptu speech:

If YOU CANNOT BE HAPPY LIVING WITH YOURSELF; then you can't bring happiness to a relationship you're not even ready for, neither can you stay attractive enough to the other person who is keen on sharing the rest of his live with you. To tell the truth, history has always shown that women will always be more than men statistically. And when you think about it, all over the world certain cultures and traditions you see have evolved over time are as a result of 'needs' and 'lacks' like these.

Even religious evolution and teachings reek of solutions provided for such 'needs'. That is why polygamy in its many shades still exists today and will continue to exist. But that is beside the point here.

Be that as it may the sad truth is that even the 'monogamy ideal' that is being pursued and practiced today by many seems no better, as it is riddled with its own challenges and sometimes failures. Whether we like it or not, some decisions and choices are not necessarily out of cohesion, frustration, duress or conformity, but out of a desire to find a certain fulfilment. In the end this is what I'll say: marriage is NOT a perfect arrangement; it is the imperfect persons in it who makes it look perfect and easy when onlookers sneak a peek in.

In order words, SINGLENESS CAN BE A GIFT; it is not a curse, it is not something to be ashamed of, neither should it be given the status of a stigma. 

And who says marring early = being happily married?

Who says that marring early = having babies earlier?

Who says that you can only be happily married before you hit 35 years as a woman?

Who says having children = being a happy and fulfilled person?

Who says if you don't find the man or woman right for you at 40 years, so therefore you MUST settle for 'anything'?

Who are you even trying to please kpaakpa?

Even the Creator does not make such demands of Us! Why should you my ladies and gentlemen weigh yourself with too much thinking of what people will say or wrongly assume that your happiness lies in being with somebody else?!

If YOU CANNOT BE HAPPY LIVING WITH YOURSELF first, then you can't bring happiness to a relationship you're not even ready for.

Hmm...Now I shall ask: are you a married person, single woman or man for that matter? If you are, look inside in by burrowing this attitude, say this to yourself: 

"I still live each day with laughter in my heart, music in my soul, purpose in my thoughts and activities with my limbs!"

Why should you say this you may wonder...

Because even when you're married, you'll always still be an individual in a 3-fold cord with with a strong awareness of your spiritual connection to the Supreme Being. Marriage is about the union of three identities that forms a solid pyramid: YOU, ME & US! Remove 'me' and there will be no 'us'. And if you try and remove 'US', then there can be no 'you and me'. Smile because when you're ready to be that 'perfect' woman (in character, words, sex, food choices, decision making, relationships building, lifestyle, development, etc.,) the 'perfect' man will come to you!

ME>.......................................< US >..............................<YOU
figure source:http://1.bp.blogspot.com
Text credit: Lady E

So, ARE YOU READY TO BE THAT PERFECT ONE?

Then age and time will not prevent it. Instead use the time and age on your side to become a positive person who attracts positive energies. When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. The quality of who you now is the kind of mate you'll attract to yourself. Knowing who you are now, will help you know and attract the type of person that truly suits you.

The most important thought I will leave with you is this: try to develop the ability to LIVE WITH YOURSELF (whatever the choice you eventually make, be it monogamy, polygamy, partnership or choosing to remain single).

I hope today you will choose to find that inner peace and calm to live joyfully even with yourself...