When Customer Service Becomes Synonymous to Customer Satisfaction

Just imagine you got home knackered, wished you could hit the sack but have to cook and clean while thinking of that presentation you must complete before you hit the bed. To ease the burden on you, you delegated to your sister the simple task: buy a recharge card, top-up then buy my bundle data. That was all she was supposed to do.

Certain that she has done the right thing, after you'd showered, you decided to check how much data you now have only to discover she paid for and activated a different bundle altogether! If you were in my shoes, what will you do?

In my case I was in for a rude shock when I realized she had gone ahead to activate a BetterMe Bundle and not My Data Bundle! Hm.

If you like self-service, you will do what I did. But if you prefer being pampered you will call 180. And if you’re lucky, you’ll be forwarded to an agent immediately, if not, you can be sure you'll wait a long time listening to avert promotions blaring into your ears.

Quickly I scrolled through the self-help options to see if I can stop the action. I thought I was in luck when I clicked on ‘Cancel Active Subscription' on the data bundle options. At first I felt relieved that I had ‘saved’ the two thousand and fifteen naira top-up for the data bundle. But to my consternation, after repeated ‘check balance’ attempt, I kept getting ‘sorry you do not have enough credit for this transaction’! 

By now I was fidgeting very seriously, querying my sister why she didn’t pay for my usual bundle. All she kept saying was, "I’m sorry. It was a request error. I thought they meant one and same thing...” on and on she went but I was seething. I had assumed that 'Cancel Active Subscription' was the better way to avoid the data from being used up! 

Now, what would be the next thing to do? Call 180, right? Well, that is where the story for the gods took a surprising twist. The thought of knowing that my hard earned two thousand naira was going to go down the drain just like that freaked me out.

Quickly I dialed 180 and was immediately directed to an online customer. For security reasons, I will keep the real name of the agents I spoke to in trying to resolve this wahala. 

The first agent I spoke to identified himself as Gilbert, he had a forced Hausa accent as he spoke in English. I explained to him how my sister erroneously made a wrong request and how in trying to forestall any further complications I deactivated the service.

Gilbert explained to me that there’s nothing MTN can do from their end as this was a service command. I tried to explain to him that a request can be activated and deactivated so how are we going to resolve this matter by activating the plan on the same bundle my sister erroneously requested which I had deactivated? We went on like this until he said the matter was beyond his level and would therefore call upon his senior to see how the matter can be resolved. 

Immediately, his senior oga came on board, her name was Adetokunbo. I explained again what happened but the woman kept shutting me down with the same explanations Gilbert had given me! She simply refused to see and to think of the possibility of other options or suggestions. On and on she went. But the moment she opened her mouth again to say, “There’s nothing we can do,” I dropped the call. These agents did not care I paid their office for a service I did not get value for!

Overtime I've learnt that agents come in different shades: those who know how to handle emotional customers -  quarrelsome customers – and those who know how to spot a genuine case and deal with the facts. Then there are agents who are always up-to-date with their companies guidelines and policies and those who have no idea or those who choose to have the “Us against them” attitude when dealing with customers. 

There and then I knew I had to speak to another agent. This was money collected for unused service. I have to get it back. There’s got to be a better way.

Immediately I dialled 180 again. The agent identified herself as Belinda. She too explained to me that there was nothing MTN could do.

“But I already have an unused data with my money stuck. How do we resolve that?”

“Madam there’s nothing we can do.”

“Is my money just going to go like that? I haven’t even used it. This happened within the last twenty minutes. Surely MTN can do something about an error request.” We went on back and forth like this for several minutes until she said, “Please hold on, let me find out if you can roll over your bundle. You many have to reactivate the BetterMe bundle so that the previous bundle can be rolled over. But I’ll have to find out first and see what we can do for you in this regard. Please do not drop you call...” 

I said okay and waited for over ten minutes when she finally got back to me and said, “You can get your data bundle rolled over if you top-up the same amount for the same service.”

“Really? Oh! That’s so great. I wish agents can resolve customers’ issues as easily as you have resolved mine. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome Madam.” She effused sweetly. Just to be sure we understood each other, I asked again, “So you mean once I top-up the same amount and activate the same data bundle, my previous bundle will be automatically rolled back?”

“Yes. Once you do that, I will call you back and let you know that it’s been done.”

“So you can determine that right on your system then?”

“Yes.”

“So you’re saying as soon as I activate, I’ll get a total of 4,030MB, right?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, thank you, thank. I know you can be busy, and I would like to call you back as a reminder just in case you forget to do so...I don’t know, can I have your number?”

“Don’t worry Madam, I will call you back.” 

“Please call be back in five minutes, even less. By then I would have reloaded.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll call you.” 

Feeling so excited and reassured my hard earned money won’t go to waste, I hurried out to buy another N2,000 recharge card and topped-up immediately. I checked my balance. It was: 2015MB. How can that be? Something is not right! I repeated checking 'my balance' thrice. Same thing. What to do?

I waited for ten minutes to roll by waiting for Belinda to call me but she didn’t. So I dialled 180 again. This time a strong confident male voice announced himself, “My name is George, how can I help you?”

Quickly i narrated my sister’s erroneous activation, my deactivation and how I have topped-up hoping to get back 4,030MB rather than 2,015MB. 

He wasted no time. He explained that there was nothing MTN could do about that since it was a command request and on and on. I was so furious with him I told him I just spoke to a colleague of his who explained that once I topped up the bundle the previous data will be rolled over. But he was unwilling to yield. So I gave him an illustration of how I went to a shop, bought a dress, took it home only to discover it was torn. And when I returned it, the seller obliged me and gave me another one! Why can’t MTN do that in this case, I asked. 

It was then he paused, and asked thickly, “Who was the agent who told you this?”

“Does it matter as long as I get my unused money back?”

“Madam this will help me in my investigation because I can see that you only have 2015MB on my system.”

“WHAT! But that is not possible. This must be a fraud!”

“Are you saying you’ve requested for this bundle before?”

“Yes. Just barely within minutes apart.”

“Can you tell when you spoke to this agent?”

“Just ten minutes before I called 180 and was directed to you. Her name was Belinda.”

“Madam, I will have to investigate this matter and get back to you on what will be reached. Please I will call you back on 180 to let you know because what you’re asking for is getting the credit you paid for.”

“Yes. Ok. I hope you’ll call back because many times you agents never do.”

“I will call you back...”

And so I waited and waited. Cooking, cleaning, doing sweet nothings.

Finally after a very long wait, I got the call from George.

“Madam, thank you for waiting... Your credit will be refunded to you and you can now use the current bundle you activated. And please expect a call from Belinda to apologise for misinforming you. Part of our job is to make sure customers are fully informed. Please note that once you deactivate a command, you cannot get it back. Your money will be refunded to you. Thank you for using MTN.”

Words failed to describe the relief I felt. Pure satisfied relief. 

Moments later, Belinda called to tell me that she’s refunding the credit for the unused bundle and it will be her responsibility to pay for that since she had misinformed me.

I couldn’t believe she had actually said that!

Still sated form the delightful news, I got another call from 180. The caller was a man. He was very businesslike like a senior executive. He identified himself as Sloan and said, “Madam, my agents have explained the inconveniences caused you and we are sorry about that. But I can assure you that we make sure agents take responsibility for misinformation. And in your case your money will be credited to you and the agent who did that will held responsible.” He kept on about how MTN take their customers’ complains seriously ensuring that they are satisfied with services provided. I thanked him for his unusual prompt response and professional handling of the situation.

I had barely finished with him, when I got another 180 call. It was George calling again. “Madam, I want to believe Belinda has called you and that your money has been credited to your account.”

“Oh, yes. She has called and she said she will credit the account.” 

“Please look at the various bundle options that will be sent you to via sms...Thank you for using MTN.” 

Belinda kept her word. She credited my account through VTU.

Nowhere in Nigeria, have I ever received such exceptional customer-service response responsibility from a network all within the hour! 

Thank You MTN! 

Remember, Service Orientation is a lifestyle choice. Image is about perception.

The Only Place Where Doctors Don’t See Patients in Nigeria

The slim lady in dark shades walked into the eye clinic. Sat for more than ten minutes, waiting to be called or attended to by one of the clinic staff. But none came forth. She looked around her again. The place looked deserted, as though the workers have disappeared out of sight. No one was even at the small window designed to receive patients’ cards.

“Are there no doctors around?” she asked the man tall man wearing a red Polo t-shirt sitting some distance away on the long hard bench.

“I’ve been waiting here for more than fours to see the specialist. And I have to travel today; I have lectures. But all I’ve achieved since I arrived is sit here and not been attended to!” he said.

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“But why?” 

“They say they are having doctors meetings, hence I have to wait until they are all done.”

“But can’t at least a doctor be stationed to attend to our needs? Because we are so few here.” said the lady.

“The hospital actually gave me appointment to come today. I’m here now; still nobody has said anything to me.”

“I think I need to know what’s really going on.” The lady marched off into the tight office corridor hoping to see a staff. Fortunately, she saw three women: two of them wearing a green staff scrubs – the fatter of the two sitting on a desk and the shorter one standing with her back resting on the door frame with the third woman in mufti, slouched over her chair, was obviously a senior staff.  Seeing all three, the lady in shades directed at question to no one in particular, “Please is there no doctor I can see?”

“Is it an emergency?” asked the fatter one in green scrubs.

“It’s my eyes. They ache so badly.”

“Then the doctor cannot see you. Come on Monday.” 

“Are you serious?”

“Are you on appointment?”

“Eh..no. But my eye aches.”

“Remove your glasses.” said the woman in mufti. Lady takes off her dark shades.

“Your eye is not an emergency case.” she said.

“All through yesterday I suffered from serious pain and even now the right eye aches terribly.” Said the lady.

“Why didn’t you come yesterday when the pain was there?”

“I couldn’t even open my eyes then to see and I leave alone so nobody to take me to the hospital.”

“Anyway, the doctors cannot see you today because it is Friday. Doctors don’t see patients on Fridays.” The woman in mufti replied again. 

Just then the guy in red polo stopped by to listen-in on the discussion.

“Go and come back on Monday.” the shorter woman in green scrubs added.

“But why isn’t there any notice to that effect? I’m sure many of the patients sitting outside wouldn’t have bothered coming.” Lady in shades replied.

“They know! They are aware!” said the woman in mufti. Pointing at the man in Polo she said, “Even this man here is aware that Fridays are only appointment day! You’re the only one who doesn’t know. But now you know.”

“Madam, cool down naa.” Said the Polo guy.

“But I’m cool. I am not shouting.” Mofti replied.

“Yes you’re not shouting but your tone is harsh.”

Smiling and speaking, lady in shades said, “We are sick that is why we came. You think we would have come if we weren’t? So take it easy with us because your voice tone high small.”

“Ok.” Woman in mufti smiles and so did the two green women. 

Lady asks again, “Please do tell, is there a guideline that says because doctors must have their meetings on Fridays so they cannot attend to patients on Fridays?”

“Yes, there is a hospital guideline to that effect and so doctors really have no obligation to patients except on emergency. So you’ll have to come back on Monday.” Continued the woman in mufti.

“But my eyes ache a lot. And I didn’t see any notice pasted on your walls. If private hospitals were any good at what they do, do you think I’ll bother stepping into state hospitals that care less about patients?”

“Madam, there’s nothing that can be done. Fridays at not patients days, only Mondays and Thursdays. Wednesdays are strictly for surgeries and Fridays are for appointments only.”

Lady smiles back. “And were I your sister, in this condition, you will say the same thing?”

Woman in mufti smiles back. “Ok. I can see that the doctors are about to come out. You can wait oo. And if they tell you to come, then they will see you. There’s nothing I can do.”

Polo Man and Lady Shades walked out, talking animatedly, “Can you imagine her response?” asked the lady.

“Don’t mind them! All they know is go on strike and collect arrears for months they were on strike.” Polo man said.

“All these doctors are insensitive human beings!” said an urbane looking man. Polo and Shades both see a signboard, tagged: SERVICOM.

“What is the job of SERVICOM if not to ensure quality services in all sectors they are stationed?” Polo asked.

“Do you think if we call SERVICOM they will do anything?” asked Urbane.

“Those numbers are strictly for show, I’m sure it belongs to the same doctors working here.” said a matured woman in two wrappers.

“But you can’t be sure of that if you haven’t tried.” Lady Shades said.

“I’m telling you they don’t know their work.” Polo man said.

“It’s always good to be sure of your facts, you know. You’ve not tried but you’ve already concluded that they won’t do anything about our not being attended to.” said Lady Shades.

“Okay, I’m going to call them now! Let’s even see if this works!” said Polo man. He dialled the number on the well-worn signboard and placed the phone on speaker.

“Hallo?”

“Yeah...”

“Is that SERVICOM...”

“Go on...”

“Good day sir. I’ve been here at the Eye Clinic for over four hours and nobody has attended to me. 

And I have to travel today.”

“Really. That is not possible.”

“They say doctors do not attend to patients on Fridays.”

“Oh yes, that is true.”

“But I was given an appointment to come today! And many of us are here, yet to be attended to”

“Oh! Em...em...the thing is you have to understand that Fridays are non-patient days.”

“But we are ill. And this is FMC.”

“Yes, yes. Ok. We’ve heard your complaint.”

“I’m travelling today!”

“Ok. Eh... they will attend to you since you have appointment. But everyone will have to be patient.”

“Ok...” just as he was about to hang up, Shades Lady quickly whispered into his ears, “Tell him we want him to address the issue now.” Polo man says so immediately.

“Okay...”

Called dropped.

Shades looked at Polo and said, “Always make your case first. The more you keep telling them you are supposed to travel, the more they will feel not obligated to you. But if you keep emphasizing that you have be neglected despite an appointment, you have a case they can’t shy away from.”

Polo looked at her, wanted to say something but seemed to think the better of it.

Shades looked from Polo to Urbane and asked, “I wonder, didn't they teach them how to answer calls properly? Isn't that supposed to be a service centre?”

“Don’t mind them.” said Mr. Urbane, turned away and whispered something into the ears of the woman next to him. She wore a wedding and engagement rings on her third finger.

“You know he should have answered, ‘This is SERVICOM, how may I help you?’” said Shades.

“They do that so they can easily divert your call if they feel they can escape been irresponsible for not doing their job.” Urbane said.

“Noo. It’s because it is their personal numbers and not an official one!” said Polo Man. Everyone roared with laughter. And a certain quiet descended on the small crowd.

Few minutes later, a medium height man wearing a chequered open-necked shirt, a wrist watch slapped on his left wrist, stepped out of the office corridor into the waiting room where the patients sat. He was looking at his phone. Repeatedly he raised his head furtively over the faces around him then walked back in.

 A short man jolted from his chair, rambled towards the area where Polo Man, Mr. Urbane and Lady Shades sat, shouting “That must be the SERVICOM man!”

“Yes, I was saying so to myself.” Mr. Urbane said.

“You think.” asked Lady Shades.

“Can’t you see how he walked in and went back? He came to check who made the call!” said Short Man.

“Of course! I’m sure the numbers on SERVICOM belongs to the doctors!” Urbane said.

“I’m sure that is what they must have done. They must have switched the SERVICOM numbers to their own so no complaints from patients about them will get directly to SERVICOM.” Polo Man said.

“Yes. He is one of the chief doctors. E be like one of them. Na him!” Short Man added.

“But how can you be so such he is? Do you know him as a chief doctor?” queried Lady Shades.

“Yes I know him.” Short Man raised his eyebrows at Lady Shades.

“But you don’t know for sure if he was the one that picked up the call!” replied Lady Shades.

“Why else did you think he came out immediately after that call was made?” asked Urbane.

“It may have been just a coincidence. Maybe he’s checking all missed calls and messages from someone who may have been here waiting for him to come out of the meeting. You don’t know.” Lady Shades glared at Short Man.

“Eniways...” said Short Man as he ambled away, a smirk on his face.

“You see this is the problem with Nigeria! There are no systems in place!” said Polo Man.

“What other systems do you want in place in an FMC?” asked Lady Shades. “There is a gatehouse, departments, staff, registration and waiting rooms, pharmacy and payment centres in one place. What more system do you need?” asked Lady Shades.

“But nothing is working!” Polo Man said.

“It is not the system that is not working. It is the people manned in each of these system’s key areas that are not doing their job!” Shades replied.

“Look, I work in the private sector, so I know what I’m talking about.” said Polo.

“The medical private sectors all have this same systems and departments manned by humans too. The difference is that in the private sector is that no performance, no payment; no commitment to service, no returns on investments. Simple. And that makes them sit up.”

“You still don’t understand! This country has no system. Look at the case of the PVCs for the coming election. One person registered more than twenty times! If there was a system, then when A comes to register his name should pop up. But that is not the case.”

“The PVC multiple registration dilemma is a people-caused problem. If you as a staff is given a machine and you can tell that the interface with other machines is not functioning properly, do you sit and mop doing nothing waiting until there’s an election about to happen then jump up and announce there’s a problem at last minute? Or do you get up as soon as the problem pops up, have a meeting, proffer solutions at the meeting and get things done and working properly?" Shades asked waiting for Polo to respond. When he didn't reply she said, “Part of our problem in Nigeria is that the simple jobs we are given to do, we don’t do them. And especially in civil service, the attitude is worse. Many persons are not committed to doing their job professionally.”

“That is my point! It is why in the civil service the slogan is: Don’t carry government work on your head, carry it on your shoulders so that you can easily shrug it off.” Polo declared.

“Are you serious? Is that truly the mentality?” Lady Shades asked.

“Yes oo.”

“Unbelievable!”

A squat man wearing multicoloured African prints walked towards the patients and asked, “Please who called SERVICOM just now?” his accent distinctively Western Nigeria.

“I did. Please come with me.” Polo Man got up and went with him.

Lady looks about her at the other patients. Some of them smiled impishly. Then she looked at the short man who had insisted that the previous man had been the SERVICOM impostor and said, “Did I not tell you to be sure of what you say before you say them with emphasis.”

“But I was just telling you as I know naa.” Short Man replied.

“You didn’t know, so you shouldn't have spoken. Always get your facts right before you open your mouth to speak.” Shades said in clipped tone.

“Na Naija we dey oo. Leave that thing!” said Short Man.

Moments later, Mr. SERVICOM walked back to the waiting room and apologized to the patients explaining how this was a new development, promising that everyone will be attended to without exception.

Lady Shades looked at Urbane and the woman by his side and said, “How difficult was that? Communication is everything.” Urbane nodded in agreement.

A nurse walked up to the mouth of the door to the waiting room and announced, “Mr...so and so,” the nurse called out, “the doctor will see you now.” And off he went.

Lady sits on bench still nodding her head in disbelief.

Shortly thereafter, another nurse called Shades in to see the doctor. A dark beautiful matured nurse who spoke so kindly and persuasively about Fridays being only appointment days took her vitals.  

What I Think of Patience Jonathan

Although many puns, jokes, and even satires continues to be thrown at the person of Mrs. Patience Faka Jonathan, I come away feeling there’s more to this woman. True, she is illiterate, alliterate some may even add, but when I watched the news last night and saw her in charge, commanding and speaking to a large crowd of other women – many of whom are called lettered, educated, schooled and enlightened – my heart did a double take. 

Here was a woman who blunders terribly on her speech when she first began – hardly able to string together a simple sentence and a hoarse voice to go with it. And even with such a predicament, she refused to back down in the shadows of her husband’s high profile status as President of Nigeria campaigning massively for her husband in a way no other educated Nigeria First Lady has accomplished. 

I know you’ll say “but her grammar is terrible”, “she doesn’t represent the kind of picture or elegance and style a First Lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria should exemplify!” “She's gone overboard in overreaching herself in office when it comes to political matters that’s not her purview!”, and so on. That may be true. But for once, let’s try and forget about the terrible grammar, her sometimes unpleasant speech patterns, misplaced anecdotes and lack of linguistic prowess. Let’s look at some of her other not-so-obvious qualities – qualities I believe are essential to success.

How many women do you know who did not go to school, did not finish primary or secondary school who will be so courageous as to take on the office of the First Lady with such bullish attitude? Perhaps this says a lot about who Patience truly is rather than the fact that she’s the wife of the President. Stop and think about that for a moment.

Even though her office is by virtue of her husband’s, she refused to cower in her weaknesses, or feel self-pity for herself to the point where she would have chosen not to be heard but seen – which will definitely epitomize the idea some persons may have as to the role of women in politics and office of high status. Patience could have also felt terribly intimidated by other well-schooled, and possibly more enlightened women, but she choose not to be. Maybe that Office can be intoxicating, I wouldn't know.

Nonetheless, in the course of eight years this woman has surrounded herself with persons much knowledgeable than her; she has gone on to receive some serious coaching in speech reading, audience contact, use of notes, confidence, comportment and so on. To some, however this little improvement may seen negligible even intangible. Some may even say “shame on her! She’s too slow, too dumb,” and so on. Yet you cannot ignore the fact that she has made some effort, made some changes too. And for those who have laughed at her bad grammar, gone on twitter to make fun of her so rudely and yes, disrespectfully, she has completely made sure she denied them money from Aso Rock as MCs! Go figure!

What people should be asking is, why did Jonathan a schooled man marry an illiterate woman when he did long before his political enrollment? Perhaps stomach infrastructure, a listening ear, an unflinching supporter, a caring soul as he saw it mattered more to him than how well she could command the English language? 

Many educated men are covert dictators who would prefer to control their wives. It is amazing how many men marry women with a view to controlling them in the home! Let us hope this was not one of his reasons.

In the end, let us take one or two life’s lessons from Patience Jonathan:

• Always live your dream
• Life is a continuous learning ground
• Self improvement is a way of life
• Mistakes happen but what we do with the knowledge learnt from those mistakes is what brings about success, makes us wiser and better prepared to handle future challenges better
• Don’t always focus too long on your weaknesses to the detriment of improving them and worsening even your strengths 
• Not everyone is going to like you but don’t waste your effort trying to change them to like you. By all means be the best of you as long as you live on this beautiful planet
• Be quick to critique, be slow to criticise
• Stop wasting your energy finding fault, whining and complaining. expend your energy instead on creating solutions. Create. Create. Create.

Patience Jonathan has shown an uncommon courage even if some of you many term it foolhardiness. 

Courage is not the absence of fear: but to feel fear and act!

Fight every form of corruption in your capacity as a Nigerian even when others don’t. All it takes is a few good men doing good deeds consistently to rid off evil. YOU ARE THE CHANGE.

Now, that’s courage!

Why Atlas Shrugged Caved!

The first time I saw the book, Atlas Shrugged, I gasped. The pages were nearly as much as the Bible, written in small old Times New Roman too! A friend of mine, during one of those introspective conversational banter we usually have, mentioned the book, explaining what a controversial person the author turned out to be.

Instinctively, I knew I had to read it; the sheer size of the book nonetheless. It was the sort of book I knew I would get a kick from.

By the time I finally put down the book, I ‘phewed’ several times. There were moments when I felt the book subsumed me, whipped me, cajoled me, teased me, offended me, provoked me and revitalised me all at once. That is what Atlas Shrug will do to you when you get down to it. It was the sort of book, once completed, you put down with a heavy thud, bang the table and shout “YES!” as a declaration, an anthem and victory for the brilliant mind that penned it down. I couldn’t stop repeating to myself, What A Book - What A Mind - What A Woman!

Atlas Shrugged, written by Ayn Rand is a highly philosophical book that espouses the principles of Objectivism – Ayn Rand’s own epistemology.

Using a love triangle as the intricate plot to all the dimensions the story will take form, Ayn Rand used Dagny as the central person that connected the key heroic characters in the book: Hank Rearden/ Francisco, John Galt and Eddie Willers as well as the key Villain in the story, her brother James Taggart, President, Taggart Transcontinental.

The novel, written in 1957 takes a critical analysis at the factors, conditions, attributes, values and principles that drives, motivates and inspires man’s action to create and trade. It also taps into the internal thinking processes and feelings that steers man’s needs, his abilities, his decision making and choices.

Covering 30 chapters in 1,168 pages, Atlas Shrugs explores great themes, motifs, philosophy, metaphors and a masterpiece plot to drive her resolution home. I find Chapter 1V of Part II, The Sanction of The Victim most poignant; and the speech by John Galt on Chapter VII, page 1009 of Part III – “This is John Galt Speaking”, the most thought provoking.

Imagine reading a phrase such as this on page 419: There are no evil thoughts, except one – the refusal to think.

Pg. 445 states: Man’s Motive Power is his Mind.

Pg. 457: When disaster strikes, one must show the instantaneous refusal to submit to disaster.

And on pg 490, I find Francisco’s Philosophy of Sex refreshingly engrossing: “A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions. Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. Show me the woman he sleeps with and I will tell you his evaluation of himself.... Sex is the most profound selfish acts of all, an act which he cannot perform for any motive but his own enjoyment – just try to think of performing it in the spirit of selfless charity! ...It is an act that forces him to stand naked in spirit, as well as in body, and to accept his real ego as his standard of value. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience – or fake – a sense of self esteem...[for] he does not seek to gain his value but to express it.”

On page 661 she upturns a wrongful way of thinking by restating it as: ... “from each according to his ability, so to each according to his need.” That you need something doesn’t mean you have to have it at the expense of another. Rather your needs should be equal to the size of your ability.

664 – When all decent pleasure are forbidden, there are always ways to get the rotten ones.

665 – About moral law: the more you tried to live up to it, the more you suffered; the more you cheated it, the bigger rewards you got. Your honesty was like a tool left at the mercy of the next man’s dishonesty.

671 – “I will stop the motor of the world...his name was John Galt.”

678 – Cattles...they will obey anybody who expects obedience. But money inside a man’s pocket had the power to turn confidence into his mind.

Page 709 – Think, create and prosper. Do onto thy neighbour as you wish him to do to you.

720 – When one deals with words, one deals with the mind.

721 – There’s no such thing as a lousy job – only lousy men who don’t care to do it. Any man who’s afraid of hiring the best ability he can find is a cheat who is in the business he doesn’t belong.

760 – Atlantis code: it is against our rules to provide the unearned sustenance of another human being.

Pg. 788 – Rationality, Integrity, Honesty...are all acts of creating that comes from the same source. Pg. 791 – every man builds his world in his own image.

802 – If any part of your uncertainty is a conflict between your heart and mind – follow your mind.

823 - A human harmonizer is a machine with no centre, leader or direction.

A lie is self abdication, page 859.

891 – In whatever situation you find yourself, place nothing – nothing – above the verdict of your mind. Your life is the highest of values; too high to give it up without a fight.

1012 – Man’s mind is his basic tool of survival.

1015-1016: Existence Exists. A is A. EXISTENCE IS IDENTITY. CONSCIOUSNESS is Identification. To arrive at a contradiction is to confess an error in one’s thinking; to maintain a contradiction is to abdicate one’s mind and to evict oneself from the realm of reality. All thinking is the process of identification and integration.

1017 – A process of reason is a process of constant choice in answer to the question: True or False; Right or Wrong.

1018 – To live, man must hold three things as supreme and ruling values of his life: Reason-Purpose-Self Esteem. And that the alleged shortcut to knowledge is faith.

1096 – You cannot force a mind.

1101-1109: The exact definition of an Egoist; not its connotation but what it denotes.

1022 – Happiness is a state of the man, a contradictory joy.

Page 1022 – A Trader is the symbol of the relationship among men.

1027 – Explores the constant struggle between God and Society; Spirit and Muscle.

By page 1061, it is so clear how a country’s political system is based on its code of morality.

If you’ve not read this book, go get yours now, if not for anything else but to have your mind thorougly engaged in some real thinking.

The Stories We Tell, Matters

A mindset is about a way of thinking and reading, and in many ways helps the wiring of the mind in a way so powerful one begins to actually enact that life which one has seen in his mind’s eyes. That was the conclusion I drew after reading the long dialogue in the book titled Ishmael.

In creating our own illusions, sometimes we should be careful not to feed on it to the point of obesity else, it will consume us and the reality we face will become so stark we can no longer tell what is true or false anymore. This is why the book titled Ishmael written by Daniel Quinn matters.

Stories are who we are. People can’t just give up a STORY. When you do, one is bound to fail. Because you can’t just stop being in a story, you have to have another story to be in. Ishmael, pg 128, pp9.

Stop. Pause. Yes, it’s good to be in a story. Everybody loves a good story. It is why there are many ways to tell stories. Which kind of story appeals to you more: rags to riches, stranger comes to town, the quest like an Odyssey? Or perhaps overcoming the monster kind of story? Whichever story you prefer, it does tell something about a core value inside you that wants to express itself in that manner. 

Daniel Quinn, in his book helps us take a deeper look at the stories that you and I have been told through ‘Holy Books’ which have survived thousands of years to our time begging us to for once question them. Not because you feel a need to desecrate, but because you are blessed with a mind that naturally questions even what it believes. Why bother, you ask? Because these stories have not only tried to shape us, they may have actually helped to wipe out any cultural identity or story that was once originally yours; and even perhaps create a dangerous monster in place of it.

Daniel Quinn calls the story tellers of these ancient stories The Leavers and The Takers. Who are they?

Are you familiar with the story of Cain and Abel? What images conjure up in your mind? Is there more to that story than meet the eyes? Or perhaps you feel we should NEVER question what has been written or said by a HIGHER AUTHORITY? Hold that thought in your head. Don’t say anything until you’ve read these words: “And Cain went on to kill Abel because he had found favour in God’s eyes.” Gen. Chapter 4:8. 

Here, Cain is identified as the agriculturist and Abel the animal husbandry man. Yet the Question begs: what was really wrong with Cain’s offering? Too little? Not enough? Or because they were ‘lifeless’? Is that enough to reject his offering? Are vegetables actually lifeless than an animal about to be slaughtered? 

Now imagine yourself, suppose you were Cain, and agriculture is all you knew, where else will your offerings come from? Is it not from what you have? Will you steal someone else’s so you can give a ‘better’ offering? Remember, Cain’s offering was not rejected because it was stolen. So why reject his effort? Perhaps someone is actually telling a story in METAPHORS? Think about it.

Ishmael, Pg 152 pp8, says, “The story of Genesis must be reversed. First, Cain must stop murdering Abel. This is essential if you’re to survive... – there is no one right way to live... You must absolutely and forever relinquish the idea that you know who should live and who should die on this planet.” 

So if we try telling a story about ourselves as a war mongering, vengeance-pay-back kind of people or a country, then essentially that is what we shall become both in the short and long run and so will our future generations. Even the nature of our constitution, jurisprudence, law, customs and culture will reflect the kind of story we are telling. And it is from these perceived nuances that people extract the content of our character, our values, ethics, M.O. and vision. Same thing happens if we say we are a docile, laidback, content and subservient people. So shall our people and country become; what we say we are by the stories we tell and how we tell it becomes who we are. You are your own story. 

But how can we 'retell' our stories?

Ishmael, Pg 152, pp12, says, “You must change people’s minds. And you can’t just root out a harmful complex of ideas and leave a void behind; you have to give people something that is as meaningful as what they’ve lost—something that makes better sense than the old horror of Man Supreme...”

What I like About AMERICANAH

Each time I pick up and read Chimamanda’s books: Purple Hibiscus and Half of a Yellow Sun, a smile always hover around the corner of my mouth. Actually, it’s more like an extended grin that is slim always taking too long for it to disappear. Her book is like eating very tasty Jollofrice – you know that special recipe only grandmamma knows how to concoct (wink!) – that is how I look forward to reading her books. It is also how I savour them.

So when I read Americanah – First Editions – the very same day it arrived at the bookstore in Abuja, I knew I was reading a juggernaut. I rolled in laughter, jumped on my bed numerous times and ran in and out of the kitchen severally times still clutching the book. I was hooked!

I loved how she weaved the story of Emenike the wannabe Nigeria-turn-oyibo-by-force who craved for everything class, wealth, royalty, and Western semblance in his life; the baptism by fire fresh students who go abroad to school face when it comes to which ‘African’ society they ought to belong at the University – a deciding factor that reveals their Africanness or dilution thereof; I loved the honest introspection of how she narrated Obinze’s dual internal conflicts – the story of many honest Nigerians who desire to earn their keep by merit, hard work, honesty and sheer pursuit in that for which they have dreams and so desperately want to make real in a society that stifles such.

And each time I reflected back and forth at how sincerely she told Ifemelu’s story with such candour and unpretentious: her love life, her misjudgement during a long period of calamity after calamity which brought to focus her own weakness, her personal desires and vision of herself, her values and goals, and Aunty Uju’s love quest in ‘wrong’ places, I kissed the book a thousand times!

In between all these narratives, Chimamanda made us understand that our hair is an identity of who you are and your roots. A political statement if you will.

I did not want to put the novel down and when I finally did, the book had stains all over it that should have come with years of reading a book over and again. Chimamanda knows how to yarn tori well well, no be small. And today, in many Nigerian salons you’ll see women going in their small but regular numbers lending their voices to the hair movement she’s promoting: back to your hair roots people!

Finally, I was sated. And then it hit me!

I realise that for me Americanah exposes all of our pretentious identities. It looks at the sometimes vague and all too poignant reflection of the images we all tend to conjure up in different circumstances.

The expert way she talked about Race in America – the land of many a Nigerian’s dream; the symbol of all that is the best – using her blog as a tool of narration was a masterpiece. She told it like it is so that if you’ve never been to America before, you will definitely have a buffer around you after reading her book to absorb the culture shock you are bound to experience when you get there.

But most importantly, for me this book hits home. While Race is open warfare in America as it can be seen in the Michael Brown and Eric Garner case, ethnicity and tribalism in Nigeria is similar – an open warfare embroiled and interplayed with post colonial politics even today.

Tribalism in Nigeria is the equivalent of race in America. And that is because Nigeria too is a mismatch of various countries lumped into one dishomogenous entity just as the British and France did with the Arab world. And tribalism is been fanned today by how we refer to ourselves with anecdote, one-liners or a passing remark. One ethnic group calls the other ‘the human eating people’; another calls the other ‘people who shit inside their homes’, and so on. Would you call that racist? Forget they are all blacks with different skin tone and shades. They are all Africans.

So what makes a tribe, an ethnic group what they are? It is called IDENTITY. Identity covers their culture and how this culture is interpreted into norms, beliefs, laws, lifestyles, education, values, skills, business and politics.

But is it wrong that we are different? Even nature abounds with infinite differences. So what makes fanatical racism, ethnicism and tribalism a bile in one’s mouth?

It is when you begin to feel that you are SUPERIOR over the other person and so therefore can decide whether they live or die, get colonised or not, supply arms to or not, become the next president of Nigeria or not. There are only superior ideas but not necessarily superior races or tribes. A race can be powerful, no doubt but that does not necessarily make them superior. Ask Hitler.

The beauty of different races, ethnic groups and tribes is that it allows us to learn one from the other; today you may have a superior idea, tomorrow it could be my turn. We are after all a community of humans living interdependently with nature.

SO LIVE. STOP THE WAR BECAUSE YOU MATTER TOO.

And that’s what Americanah promotes: Love for differences, even admiration. 

Service Orientation is a Competence Skill

How do you see the term 'service'? What picture comes to your mind?

The other day, I walked into a big supermarket – not a mall – to buy some household needs. As I walked into the shop I nodded at someone I think should be the attendant. You see, I've come to realise that each time I greeted attendants in a number of supermarkets in Nigeria – simply out of courtesy – I realized too often and rather sadly how they ignore your greetings. In order not to feel I have wasted by breathe greeting them, I decided to device the ‘nodding technique’ and believe me it works! They immediately greet me properly. Why, does it work? That will be another discussion for another day or you can drop in your comment after reading this piece. 

As soon as I walked in though I was completely ignored but I noticed they had their eyes fixed on me as I moved from one aisle to another, their eyes also checking to see that my handbag was not bulkier than when I came in. Round and round the aisles I looked for what’s on my list and yet nothing. Almost feeling exasperated not getting what I came the long distance for, I decide to walk up to one of the attendants and asked for what I needed. The first two attendants said, “I don’t know all these products Ma. I don’t think we have them.”

Determined to get what I wanted, I walked up to the cashier and asked politely. She smiled and said, “Common you!” she pointed at one of the attendants, “Go and check that row near that corner. Na there wetin she dey look for dey.” Surprising they were they! 

The quantity I bought from the shop that day so shocked the cashier, I overheard her say to the other attendants, “Chai! See wetin the woman buy! Na so we for lose plenty sales today!” as I stepped out. 

The morale? Service orientation matters.

But what does service orientation mean?

Service Orientation means:

• To Anticipate
• To Recognise
• Meeting Customer’s Needs 

When you have the service orientation mindset, you:

• Understand customers needs and have matched them to services of products
• Seek ways to increase customer’s satisfaction and loyalty
• Gladly offer appropriate assistance
• Grasp a customer’s perspective, acting as a trusted advisor
• Being able to identify a client’s real, underlying – and often unstated – needs, then matching them to one’s products or services.
• It also means taking a long term perspective and so sometimes trading off immediate gains in order to protect and preserve the relationship
• Sales or continued patronage is no longer the sole goal of the relationship, but rather a by-product of servicing the client’s needs
• It also means occasionally letting another person take credit for a job well done
• To shine at service we need to monitor the satisfaction of customers, not waiting to hear complaints.

In service orientation, listening well is the key to empathy – and often winning more customers through word of mouth.

How to Listen Well With Empathy

To listen well with empathy means:

• Asking astute questions
• Being open minded
• Understanding
• Not interrupting
• Seeking suggestions
• Being in control of our own moods is essential to good communication
• How well you handle your emotions determine the degree to which those around you preferred to deal with you
• In dealing with peers and subordinates, calmness and patience are key. Stay cool and collected always, no matter any circumstances
• As an employee, do not be overly aggressive with dealing with your boss. It puts them on the defensive or becomes a turn-off
• Aiming for a neutral mood is the best strategy in anticipating or dealing with someone else, if only because it makes an emotional clean slate and allows you to adapt to whatever situation calls for, for example like a car in neutral can go reverse, low, or high gear, etc.
• A neutral mood leaves us ready to be more fully involved, present rather than emotionally removed.

Have you ever encountered that kind of customer who would not back down no matter what you say unless you hear them out or give them what they want? This is where your negotiating skills comes creates the desired effect you want.

Options and Approach to Negotiation

Problem Solving: in which both parties try to find the solution that works best for each side

Compromise – where both parties gives in more or less equally regardless of how that serves their needs

Aggression: where one party forces unilateral concessions from the other side. In this case, threats and demands poison the waters of negotiation

When conflict arises, as negotiation is ongoing, what do you do?

How to Handle Conflicts

First calm down, tune into your feelings and express them:

• Show a willingness to work things out by talking over the issue rather than escalating it with more aggression
• State your own point of view in neutral language rather than in an argumentative tone
• Try to find equitable ways to resolve the dispute, working together to find a resolution both sides can embrace.
• To achieve all the above, you need self-awareness, self-confidence, self-control and empathy.

Reference: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman.

The Art of Critique

When you come across these words: criticize and critique, what definitions does your mind bring forth? To critique means to analyse, comment on, review or state your opinion or reaction to a set of ideas, or work of art. To criticize means to say that you disapprove of something or something or say what you don’t like or think is wrong about something or somebody. Did you notice how many times the word ‘wrong’ is used when you criticize? To criticize focuses more on the wrong and less on the facts and specific issues or ideas. 

And that is why to critique is the best form of correction – with the goal to bring about positive learning. In work and every aspect of human dealings, the need to be specific about the outcome and ways that will encourage the out of that which we want often boils down to how well we employ critique. 

How do you appreciate people while giving them a consistent stream of positive and constructive performance feedback? You can do the following: 

• Praise people for doing a good job
• Send personal notes of commendation
• Don’t fail to let them know when they goof too
• When you evaluate a person’s performance, be honest. You do them a dis-service when you give them praise where they are lacking. Be specific about the specific area you want them to do better
• Constant improvement should be a way of life. You should let them know WHAT they need to improve
• No feedback is bad. But much worse is incorrect or bad feedback

Leadership requires a good dose of coaching. As a helpful coach, give specific information about what is wrong, combined with the corrective feedback and positive expectation of the person’s ability to improve.

The worst way to give feedback, says Daniel Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence, is during an amygdala hijack, when the result is inevitably a character attack. Neglecting to give performance feedback is equally bad or has a pernicious effect. When an organisation deprive employees of specific job-related information, they may unwittingly inhibit their performance.

People hunger of honest feedback:

• It is not about giving brutal feedback – it’s a hidden sign for pure competitive aggression – an attack disguised as “helpfulness”.
• Feedback is not a macho game score of one-upmanship. You need to pay attention to the impact on the person receiving it. Being too blunt is not authentic help. This is not a game.

Always expect the best of so-called low performers despite their abominable histories. This however does not mean that you should hire someone who has no talent, capacity, expertise or bare skills needed for a job in the name of being fair. The business is in existence to succeed and make returns. 

• Show you believe in their ability to change
• Treat them more like winners rather than losers you’ve already deemed will fail no matter what.

How to Affect People Positively – The Pygmalion Effect

Pygmalion, a play by George Bernard Shaw presented to the public in 1912 was named after a Greek mythological character. The play is based on the Professor of Phonetics, Henry Higgins where he makes a bet that he can train a bedraggled girl who sells cockney flowers, Elizabeth Doolittle, to pass as a duchess at an ambassador’s garden party by teaching her how to assume a veneer of gentility though her command of impeccable speech. And as the story ended, he succeeded spectacularly.

The Pygmalion Effect therefore means expecting the best from people can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. How can you make this happen at work, in the home, with friends and wherever you need people’s skills and abilities?

• Give them a suitable challenge with a vote of confidence. 
• Sometimes let others take the lead in setting their own goals, rather than dictating the terms and manner of their development.
• Communicate the belief in your employees that they have capacity to pilot their destiny – initiative.
• Sometimes use the technique where you point to problems without offering the solutions – this allows your employees to find the solution themselves.
• Use of Socratic Dialogue during ongoing assignment will give the person the needed training, and experience to overcome challenges is another technique. 
• Delegating responsibilities, or putting the person in charge of a project that will call forth new skills, well demands a sensitivity to the readiness of the person being coached – if the assignment is too easy, little will be learned; if it is too difficult, the person may experience a setback.
• Putting too much emphasis on coaching and development at the expense of other needs is a danger. Leadership and management skills are equally important for best performance.

References: Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman, Wikipedia and Oxford Advance Learner’s Dictionary.

When The Texture, Nature and Style of Your Hair Becomes A Political Statement

Just take a good look at this hair! What do you think? What words would you use to describe them?Bodacious? Stylish? Noveau? Elegant? Elan? Different?

Indie Arie once sang this beautiful song that stole my heart, "I AM NOT MY HAIR". The lyrics of the song, the tempo of the melody all capture the quite declaration of a women saying to the world, 'See! Can you see me? Because I can see you, too.'

So when I see someone like Giuliana Rancic of Fashion Police on E! make such rude aspersions describing the exceptionally beautiful locks of Singer Zendaya  Coleman at the Oscars as "she smells like patchouli oil. Or weed", just makes me boil with righteous rage. Who does Giuliana thinks she is anyway?

I have never liked fashion police for what it stands for because I see the show as a platform for persons who have no work to do other sit and critise others all the time. Since that's what the show has completely turned out to be. You don't have to be a soothsayer to see that coming!

That said, Africans, Asians and Latin Americans all possess a unique kind of hair, each glorious in its own way, but none more superior over the other. It is mostly amongst the uneducated Europeans, especially those who attach overemphasis on their 'superior race' I find quite a number who feel their hair is 'better' than others. Says who? Even amongst a group of a race, you will still find different textures and colour shades of hair. It's called VARIETY!

So, if today you opt for a long flowing straight hair, and tomorrow a curly style and the day after you're in braids, that simply tells me how much you want to look different each time. But to say that doing so means perhaps one style is superior doesn't not even deserve a topic of discussion.

Chimamanda in her book, Americanah understood what a political state your hair is and she did a superb job of it and today in many Nigerian salons you’ll find women going in their small but regular numbers lending their voices to the hair movement she’s promoting: back to your hair roots people!

There is no one-race-fits all in this world, so the likes of Giuliana should definitely have their mouths sealed, because, quite frankly, we don't care about you making an apology when you deliberately go out to offend, disrespect and can't tell the difference between good-looking clean hair and an unkempt one. Fact is only persons with serious inferiority complex and shallow-mindedness will stick out their tongues and just abuse others so they can feel good about themselves at the expense of some-else's misery. And if anyone decides to keep their hair Bob Marley style, just know it is a protest about been stereotyped  - a political statement of breaking from the false mold.

And when you think about it, of the four major hair types there are: straight, wavy, curly, kinky, it is only African Kinky hair that reverts to Naturale and can still be stretched with a hot hot comb or relaxer to have those 'oyibo' hair that only has one state of existence. Now you can't beat that! It's more than a bargain.

Naija and Africans: YOU ARE YOUR HAIR. Love it; Embrace It. Think of the many ways you can make it shine and look good. And that's a call to action to all hairstylists!

PS: read Zendaya's witty response to Giuliana's absurd comment, posted by Alexandra Perron, Editor:https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/singer-zendaya-calls-out-giuliana-rancic-for 111954684778.html.

That A Man Proposes, Should You Accept?

When a man proposes to you, will you accept? should you? must you?

Rita and Tunde have been going out as a couple for more than six years. They enjoy each other’s company; share the same friends and even beliefs. Rita’s family have been waiting a long time to see the ring on the appropriate finger but yet to see one. 

Then just yesterday, Tunde proposed, “Rita, I want us to take our relationship to the next level. Will You Marry Me?” The Feminine Voice in Rita shouted: “Say yes! Yes! What are you waiting for, gurl?” But her Rational Voice asked quietly, “Rita, Why does he want to marry you?”

That second question tugged at her heart sharply. Smiling sweetly at Tunde, she asked tactfully, “Tunde, why do you want to marry me?”

Tunde felt a little staggered by her probing questioning. The pressure on him from his friends and family had gotten under his skin; all of them accusing him, even insulting him for not doing the ‘proper thing’ as they called it. 

“Look Rita...” he began, “this is what every girl will die to hear from any man! And yet, here you are treating it with such triviality.” He had expected Rita to be grateful for his offer, instead, Rita got up and replied him, “You know what Tunde, I just realised both of us have become too comfortable with each other we didn’t even realise it.” That said Rita got up and left. 

Did I hear you say, “Is she stupid or what?”

That a man proposes, should you marry him? And if Rita were your sister, would you tell her to go ahead and marry Tunde?

Authentic marriage proposals are rare these days; and even more rear is the quality of the proposal. It is therefore quite understandable to expect that any woman should accept a marriage proposal that comes her way, no matter how long the dating or courting period was. And in a lame society such as ours, where the girl-child’s only aspiration is to get married – the pinnacle of her measure of achievement in life – it seems foolhardy on the part of Rita to have acted the way she did.

To marry is a personal decision, but remember: never accept a marriage proposal from a man who marries you to compensate you when you are in love with him.

In other words, know why the man dey marry you and not what you imagine as the reason he’s marrying you! 

Because when you know why, it is easy to LIVE WITH THE WHY. But you have to be blatantly honest with the truth of the WHY so you can live happily. No relationships based on lies, misplaced imagination and unrealistic wishes ever withstands unforeseen storms.

Secondly, what’s the chemistry level between you and your mate? Do you both operate from the same level of intensity about how you feel about each other? Are YOU ATTRACTED to your man or woman: mentally, emotionally, and physically? Do you look forward to being with her, hungry to touch him yet sane enough to be in charge of your emotions? What is your level of intellectual intercourse? Do you take that for granted?

Remember, it begins first with attraction, which builds up chemistry, which in turn now makes you want to enjoy sexual intimacy that grows into romance and then graduates to deep love. When you love someone, you always have the right dose of sex, romance, intellectual intercourse and love in a continuous cycle. In other words, sometimes all you may want is sex with your mate. At another time its romance and then at an increased level it is pure love mixed with a good dose of cerebral interaction, each emotions expressing themselves within that cycle.

Thirdly, are you a naturally secure person? Or do you suffer from bouts of insecurities? When a man proposes and you still feel a sense of insecurity, never try to wave it aside. That is not even the time to get married! Try to know why you feel insecure. Don’t be afraid of what the answers might be, neither should you be ashamed of what the answers reveal.

Instead, now is a good time to actually face them and deal with them. Because if you don’t, these same insecurities will haunt you in your marriage and erode you of your sense of worth and confidence before turning you into a seriously disturbed person consumed by fear, anxiety, and anger with a cantankerous disposition. 

And let me tell you, there’s nothing like a beautiful sense of self to make you surpass the huddles of a relationship when you happen to stumble upon them. So go work on your inner person.

The next time a man proposes, what will you do?

Maybe then I may decide to be your Master of Ceremony, wink!(xoxo).